Friday, February 10, 2012

Chin Music

Mandy and I are singing a duo.She howls while I just piss and moan.
The weather outside is frightful, 
while the fire inside is delightful...

Wind chills  at -20. Getting the mail results in brain freeze.  Horizontal driven snow flurries. I let Salvatore Pucci the cat outside and set the stove timer for 10 minutes. Any longer and he's a corpse.  Toss another log on the fire and pray to the God of Fire and Thunder that I won't have to empty the ash pan again today. 

It's that time of year I look back and  fondly remember living in Arizona.  Next to the computer tower on my work table is a pile of manuscripts.To keep in touch with friends back East, I'd dash off a tongue in cheek commentary of life in Arizona around the turn of the century (the year 2000) . The postage was nasty and generally the lazy shits never wrote back, but I continued writing because I loved the fun.  Pictures were often stolen, but who cared? An example.
Chapter headings included Chin Music ( subtitled Run While You Can) ,Chortling and Loud Farting.  
I chose to include some of my own scanned photography of curious places on the road between Phoenix and home. Sign over this stone cottage says ,
Health and wealth
learn how.
I wish I'd gone inside. I figured it was an Amway pitch.
I stitched in commentaries about the Phoenix nightly news reports of helicopter chases of stolen vehicles with this racy guy speeding along 77th street. Notice the foot ( not horse) power. I still wear that hat.
I waited all day at an auction to bid on this Howdy Doody marionette. It was worth the wait.  Just don't ask me how it fit in the story. 

Wait. I remember. Most of the stories I wrote were of the neighbor Gary at the end of the cul-de-sac who was dumber than dirt.  He was from Illinois.  My next door neighbor and I tortured the fellow constantly.  Chuck, the next door neighbor, calls from New York. He's attending the New York marathon in support of a daughter in the race.  He asks, "Can you run next door and get Wendy's attention".  He needed to speak to her and she was on the phone.  I ask, "I'm in my pajamas. Is it all right if I don't change?"  "He warns me, "Don't do a Gary now, please." The reference is a now famous episode of Gary walking his dog down merry Go Round Road, barn door wide and gaping with an exposed member.

Being slow witted, I promised to check that all orifices are closed for the day.

Lineman Bob circa 2010


okjimm said...

too cold to type. A block walk to the library has frozen my minimal existing intellect... alla I gotz is a joke....

Ole is getting ready to celebrate his 50th anniversary and Sven says,
"Vhat are you going to do for
your anniversary?"

Ole says "Vell, for my 20th
anniversary I took Lena to Norvay".

Sven says, "Dats nice, so vhat
are you going to do to top dat?"

Ole says, "I tink I'll go pick her up."

Gavrillo said...

Love those Ole and Lena jokes. The truck driver who delivered milk to Wal-Mart when I worked in the dairy dept. (for fun) had a slew. Wish I could remember them.