HORSE FEATHERS

THE SIGN SAYS:KEEPS HORSES FROM DAMAGING THEIR STALL

After the Amish Patriarch scares the beejeesus out of me because I'm totally focused on doorknobs in the cabinet hardware aisle, I walk over toward horse feed in the local agri-center.  The TV monitor above the shelf of Uncle Jimmy's Hangin' Balls (three flavors) shows a horse eagerly licking a basketball size ball of grain.  Next to the shelf of Uncle Jimmy fare is a cardboard display of new, antique-looking metal signs.I'm partial to old signs.

In front of the shed we call a barn there's a NO NUDE SUNBATHING IN THE PARKING AREA sign on a wood fence post and a  folk art crow atop another post in front of the garage warns visitors to BEWARE OF CROW.

I briefly consider spending $10 on a Clothing Optional After This Point sign. I quickly dismiss the sign Warning:Beer May Interfere With Your Memory or Cause Memory Loss because the reason I'm at the hardware store cruising for a doorknob is that I forgot to purchase one at the big box store in Lacrosse the previous afternoon. No need to add insult to injury when I wake up at 4 am sputtering, "Shoot, I forgot the doorknob."

Who says there isn't humor to be found at the agri-center?